Today, We Salute You...

Remember Budweiser's "Real Men of Genius" commercials?
To be sung to the same tune. Back-up vocalist part in parentheses.

I present to you: Real Runners of Genius
(Reeaaaal Runners of Geeeniuuuuss)
Today, we salute you Mr. Coffee-Flavored-Energy-Gel-Inventor.
(Mr. Coffee-Flavored-Energy-Gel-Inveeeentoor)
With your tasty creation, you managed to combine your three true loves: java, copious amounts of electrolytes, and unappetizingly sticky stickiness.
(I think my teeth are stuck togeeetheeerr)
Now, instead of coffee and breakfast before our long runs, we can tear the top off a plastic packet and slurp down one of your caffeinated, nausea-inducing confections. And carry them with us for those times we need a little extra umph.
(I need some CAFFEEEIIIIINE!)
So run yourself a nice cold ice bath, barista of sports nutrition. Because without you, we would be slogging our miles with a little less energy.
(Mr. Coffee-Flavored-Energy-Gel-Inveeeentoor)


In case you now have a craving for "Real Men of Genius" commercials, here are six in one video. 
Enjoy! (Mr. Giant-Taco-Salad-Inventor is my absolute favorite).